


"The Diary"

by LadyK



Category: Gunsmoke
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-05
Updated: 2012-04-05
Packaged: 2017-11-03 02:58:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/376346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyK/pseuds/LadyK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is Basically a Monolog of a Diary Entry..Made By Kitty while Waiting for Matt's return on a Cold Wintery Night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"The Diary"

Usual Disclaimer: Just taking our Friends out for a Bit, will put them back when I’m through!

Dear Diary  
Complete  
Late at night, a extremely cold night…It was exceptionally quiet… all but the sounds.. of the whipping winds.. and the snapping,. crackling sounds of the fire.. burning across the room…  
Snuggled tightly in the beautifully brocaded chair.. Wearing a soft Blue chiffon gown with matching robe  
Wrapped in the beautiful Rose patterned Shaw…. Wrapped, in such a way she could imagine… the strong arms of the Man who first place in around her…. The room was dimly lit,…mostly by the lamp that, was lit as it usually was waiting for his return … whenever he was away…with a small sniffer of Brandy,.. Neapolean her favorite 1837 …! On the side table, a leather bound book.. beside it, a ink well with Pen …setting down the Glass.. Then Setting the book in her lap… she began think as she glanced out the window now cover almost completely in frost….Smiling…back at her memories…then beginning to write…

Dear Diary,

Here I sit on this awfully Cold Night,…Waiting as I have so many nights before….Waiting, Wondering?  
If, … If this will be the time? The time My Cowboy won’t return… I can’t even count , ummmmm  
Can’t even count anymore.. The number of nights I sat in this very spot.. and thought these very thoughts..  
And I’m sure.. In these very pages…it shows! And I’m sure there will be many someday, someday…  
That will say ..I was a fool… and ask, Why?.. Why did I do it ?..Why did I ..sit back and wait?  
Knowing, how he felt.. Knowing his dedication to his Job, his Badge… I don’t know that I could ever make them Understand… Some say I have no Home, No Family…Nothing… all because….I…

I just Remember…How beat-up and lost I felt… the first day I came off that stage here in Dodge…  
Oh, Yeah I was Tired, Cold Hungry, and Yes.. Miserable!…I had no idea.. None what so ever where my life was going? What my future held or even if I had one? Then, when I saw that Giant of a Man…  
with those gorgeous blue eyes…and boyish smile…well? Who was in a hurry? Dodge was as good a place as any to slow down a while a figure things out…. (now drifting her gaze out the frosted window)  
Little did I know…All that came along with knowing this Blue-eyed Giant of a Man…?   
Getting to know Him..?, And realizing.. well…there was something behind that quiet ..,front he allowed the world to see …Slowly.. We got to know one another, Now ..Let me say this.. I am quite the private person.. Yes I am ..But I found myself ..comfortable enough with this Giant Cowboy.. that I could tell him anything..! Oh it started out small.. little thing here and there…Late night talks after work.. sometimes late night Walks ? After a life of not being able to know who to trust.. well this was nice…We built on this…  
Oh, I fell Hard!…But… I learned Fast.. Real Fast.. This Cowboy.. was married!.. oh, no.. not a Woman ..  
That would have be too easy… He was Married to a Big Tin Star! And What that meant to me.. Was  
There was no room in his life for …anything or anyone… But her!.. she was his Life ,Wife and family!   
But, Me being Me…I always thought.. Someday ..some far off Someday?.. things might change…SEE?  
We were just kids…? So I held out for HOPE! (Once again, turning to look out the small spaces of window not covered in frost) Sipping another sip of Brandy…ummm 

Well a few years went by, Oh,.. He held strong to his convictions…and I held strong to my Temper.. and will!…but, we continued to grow closer.. agreeing. .that if a relationship would happen it would have to be just what it was.. with the understanding.. it would be Non- permanent ..ha ha. There could never be marriage or a family…and they’d have to be discrete in public… Well, we thought we did pretty well? Little did we know we became the….(Now Laughing) The Worst Best keep secret in Dodge City! Or anywhere for that Matter! It turned out most everyone realized.. at some time/point or other.. You didn’t mess with the Redhead at the Long Branch, Unless you wanted to deal with the Marshal.. and You didn’t mess with the Marshal unless you wanted to deal with The Redhead! 

For a moment she put down the Book and Pen… stood at the window….wiping with her hand in a circular   
Motion…trying to see … her vision was no more clearer… Oh, Cowboy?… where are you? Someplace safe I hope?….   
Then, pouring herself another Brandy…sitting back in the warm chair…again reclaiming the Book and Pen.

I never realized how I would worry , until , the first few time I watch Doc.. dig bullets out of him…?  
And …then that when I had to really think there was always that possibility …one of those times…..  
And it wasn’t long before.. Mace Gore and his gang, came to town… wanted to destroy Dodge..  
And that night I thought My Life with it…. When I saw Him lying out there in that street?….  
And Doc said….. I went numb….completely numb… a big.. part of me died.. Inside.. that part…  
That tell you to go on…that part….just inside your chest….. Oh,. .there was a sound that Doc could detect.. but… For me? It stopped out there in the middle of the street! I wouldn’t have stayed….don’t know where I would have ended up ..but , I couldn’t have stayed…. Luckily, he survived…

Then there were a few other’s Cole Morgan,.. Oh, I shot him…Not a bad aim huh? Will Mannon..  
Now there was a character?… That Man was pure evil! See,.. We got to know one another so well  
We became so in tuned to one another… there was anything we wouldn’t do for the other…  
Now that …didn’t always sit well ..with My cowboy… Like how I handled Dan Whelan?   
And his Men…but,.. It all worked out… And handling things like the ransom when we were both kidnapped   
And I wanted Him to realized the folks here in Dodge did care and respect him…they put up everything and gave me everything they had to get him back… We both Loved and cared for the citizen of Dodge…  
When The Bonner Brothers were wanted…and Virgil Bonner had to be brought to trial and hung….  
Jude Bonner and the Dog soldiers… they would have hurt Sam , Burke and Poor Mr. Jonas right there on the floor of the Long Branch had I not come forward,.. Like he wanted ? And I knew they weren’t going to give me up… Ok, I know he was up-set with me for that ,but, what was I to do ..let them slaughter those men? No, No.. I just couldn’t. But, It wasn’t Matt’s fault… no matter what they did or would have done.. I know to this day ..he still blames himself…, And I love him for wanting to ….

I would have given my life.. And I know Matt would have given his as well…. 

Oh, Yeah I know I left several times…swearing up and down … I was NEVER going to see Him or his DAMN BADGE.. again! But, who was I kidding? That was my hurt, scared feeling talking…and when My head and Heart…battled it out…My Heart Won!… Oh, and it helped when he came to get me….(Smiling at the thought)

When he disappeared.. for all those week, and I thought he was never coming back…  
Then when he did and I found out he was held up in the Arizona Territory? Turns out he didn’t know who he was?.. Or where he was from? I was so relieved.. Then angry when I found out about the rancher that took care of him.. Mike… Oh.. Mike was a Woman! But, once again, after I put my hurt and temper aside  
And , Doc made me understand…that he didn’t know…Us..?.. Me? Well….

It been a long time now, No he hasn’t changed his mind about some thing, but,…all in all  
That’s alright! Doc has been a father figure to the both of us…and we Love Him for that!  
Sam, Festus’ Newly…even Chester and Quint…They will always be our Family… and Yes.. Matt did have a daughter(Elizabeth) with Mike .. As (Dan) 

As For Matt and Myself…. No We never Married!…. Not before a preacher…or in any formal way..  
But, for US…? The last Twenty plus years… We have been to one another.. all that is Most Important,  
“Friends, Companions, Confidants and lovers” and who could ask for any more of a marriage then That?  
We are Two People One Heart, One soul, One Mind…. One Love! Till our Last Breath and Beyond!

Slowly, her eyes were drifting…she closed the book partially…in her lap…. Not hearing the Door open  
The large figure filling the doorframe ….he just smiled. He quietly removed he outer garments…  
Boots, Hat and Gun Belt… then carefully lifted her body from the Chair… carrying her to the large Brass bed they shared for so many years…just as he was about to place her down… she tightened her hands around his neck… ummm Hello Cowboy.. So glad your Home….Is that a Fact?.. he said with his usual Boyish grin. In a Deep Sultry voice… Oh, That’s a Fact Cowboy! You know Ma’am.. it’s quite Cold out there. .Tonight…? Well Marshal,,… Will just have to see what we can do about warming you up?…  
Ohhhh..? Sounds good to me…quickly he shed himself of the remainder of his clothes …within no time at all… Like Many times over the years… Two Body’s became One.. Entwined.. in the passion of the Love that had sustained them … 

 

Later …an added entry….

Dear Diary,

No one needs to Understand!…We Do!… 

 

Fini


End file.
